more from boston
again stationary in Boston. It’s 6am and I can’t sleep because I took a nap from 4pm - 11pm yesterday. well now I’m just sitting here mulling things over and I realize that I still feel really out of place whenever I walk around massart. I’m a month into my second semester and I just walk around with my head down all the time whenever I pass through any communal space. I recognize people by faces now, but not name, and I see snippets of the social circles my classmates have formed in the last few months but I have no connection to them. I dread sitting in the cafe too long during peak hours because it just means being alone in a sea of friendship. I’ve tacked onto a great group of kids mostly from Emmanuel that I see outside of school, but I’m a latecomer to that and don’t exactly know how to properly introduce myself to people anymore. Today was just really discouraging, and I feel like school is doing nothing but discourage any of my motivation to produce interesting work. I want to work in color and I want to do interesting things, but instead I have a black and white class that costs me piles of money in film, and I just end up fucking up my prints on paper I can’t afford in the first place. shooting two rolls a week of assignment specific work has me pushing for quantity over quality and I honestly haven’t produced an image that I’m really proud of or interested in for months. I’ve been doing a little video work but my photo stuff has been completely dead. Whatever.
I miss the option of just fleeing to somewhere new. I like the idea of studying abroad but that won’t be for another two years and $50,000. I feel old.
